I'm in a Seth kind of mood this chapter. I just love that guy and I know my beta, Amanda, seriously loves her some Harry.
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Friday, June 27, 2014
Chapter 20 Teaser
Bella watched Edward dart out of the room. Carlisle started to rise but Bella was already following him. She caught up to Edward at the mural and touched his back to let him know she was there. He turned sharply and grabbed her, pushing her against the wall. He kissed her hard and as quickly as it started he stopped for he didn't want to use sex like that either. He hesitantly rested his head on her shoulder, breathing in deeply, and trying to calm down. She immediately brought her hands into his hair and started massaging his scalp softly, knowing that this was something that had calmed him in the past.
“None of this is your fault, Edward.”
He swallowed thickly but didn't say anything. He wasn't sure what was worse, seeing the visuals of what had happened or watching Jasper have a panic attack. In spite of what Bella was saying, he knew that he was partially to blame. His temper had always caused a lot of problems for him including this one. In his mind, everything bad that had happened to them stemmed from from him fighting Mike almost two years ago.
“Let’s talk about this, Helios.”
He still didn't answer. Bella had been watching his reactions and knew that he was getting in his head again. He had been doing so well but anything that concerned her, Jasper, Carlisle, well, any of the people he cared deeply for, rocked him to his core. This was the first true test of what he had learned in therapy. This was a situation that involved Jasper and knowing what had happened to him. It was just the type of thing that would send him spiraling into self-doubt and worthlessness.
“Edward?”
He began to kiss along her neck softly, tenderly and Bella almost cried. Of course that wasn't new for her. The last few weeks she wanted to cry all the time. It had gotten so bad that commercials made her weepy. He finally looked up at her. His eyes were softer, calmer as he brushed his lips against hers.
“I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry about. Are you okay?”
He rested his forehead against hers as his eyes closed. “I’m trying hard not to blame myself for all of this.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Old habits die hard I guess.”
“None of this is your fault, Edward.”
He swallowed thickly but didn't say anything. He wasn't sure what was worse, seeing the visuals of what had happened or watching Jasper have a panic attack. In spite of what Bella was saying, he knew that he was partially to blame. His temper had always caused a lot of problems for him including this one. In his mind, everything bad that had happened to them stemmed from from him fighting Mike almost two years ago.
“Let’s talk about this, Helios.”
He still didn't answer. Bella had been watching his reactions and knew that he was getting in his head again. He had been doing so well but anything that concerned her, Jasper, Carlisle, well, any of the people he cared deeply for, rocked him to his core. This was the first true test of what he had learned in therapy. This was a situation that involved Jasper and knowing what had happened to him. It was just the type of thing that would send him spiraling into self-doubt and worthlessness.
“Edward?”
He began to kiss along her neck softly, tenderly and Bella almost cried. Of course that wasn't new for her. The last few weeks she wanted to cry all the time. It had gotten so bad that commercials made her weepy. He finally looked up at her. His eyes were softer, calmer as he brushed his lips against hers.
“I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“You don’t have anything to be sorry about. Are you okay?”
He rested his forehead against hers as his eyes closed. “I’m trying hard not to blame myself for all of this.”
“It’s not your fault.”
“Old habits die hard I guess.”
Chapter 18: Phoenix Rising
Pacific View Recovery Center
OUR MISSON is to help those battling with alcoholism and/or addiction achieve clarity and a sense of authentic purpose, while living in a real-world environment that encourages real solutions to real problems. At PVRC, we offer a strong, structured, foundational recovery program, where the emphasis is placed squarely on providing our clients with all the care, guidance, and support they need during this challenging chapter of their lives. In other words, we focus on delivering the nuts and bolts of recovery, rather than the bells and whistles. The brand new PVRC facility, located in the heart of Santa Monica, California, has been designed with this mission in mind.
source: PVRC
Chapter 18 Teaser
Edward kneeled, concentrating on the painting before him. His paint brush lay securely in his mouth as he pushed his hair out of his face with the palm of his hand. He took the corner of the sponge and dabbed lightly around the edges of the figure, making it blend further into the background. There were footsteps approaching and he knew that someone was now standing behind him but didn't stop what he was doing.
“How are things coming along Edward?”
He set the sponge down and removed the paint brush from between his lips. “I think I’m about done.”
He stood up and looked at Carol, the therapist. She was a short woman with a full head of gray hair. She was an interesting character that always wore a smock and a pair of reading glasses around her neck on a beaded chain. She had told them that she had been a painter before deciding to go back to school to become a therapist, later in life. When she found that there were actual art therapy programs she knew it was her perfect fit and it became her calling. She had used herself as an example of how sometimes something unexpected can change your life forever.
She was considering the painting before her, taking it all in. She had asked the group last week to paint their addiction. Many had done a lot of rudimentary type displays. All of them were good and representative of the individual’s concepts of their addiction but Edward didn't complete his. He had asked if he could still work on it. Knowing that he had a proclivity for art she agreed and gave him a pass on the newest assignment so he could finish this one. She did not regret that decision one single bit. The painting was magnificent.
“Carol,” Edward said nervously.
“Tell me about it,” she finally choked out, already moved by the images in the painting.
“How are things coming along Edward?”
He set the sponge down and removed the paint brush from between his lips. “I think I’m about done.”
He stood up and looked at Carol, the therapist. She was a short woman with a full head of gray hair. She was an interesting character that always wore a smock and a pair of reading glasses around her neck on a beaded chain. She had told them that she had been a painter before deciding to go back to school to become a therapist, later in life. When she found that there were actual art therapy programs she knew it was her perfect fit and it became her calling. She had used herself as an example of how sometimes something unexpected can change your life forever.
She was considering the painting before her, taking it all in. She had asked the group last week to paint their addiction. Many had done a lot of rudimentary type displays. All of them were good and representative of the individual’s concepts of their addiction but Edward didn't complete his. He had asked if he could still work on it. Knowing that he had a proclivity for art she agreed and gave him a pass on the newest assignment so he could finish this one. She did not regret that decision one single bit. The painting was magnificent.
“Carol,” Edward said nervously.
“Tell me about it,” she finally choked out, already moved by the images in the painting.
Chapter 17 Teaser
“Stop Bella,” Edward said, letting his finger work between her teeth to release her lip.
“I hate this.”
Edward sighed and stopped packing. “Bella, I don’t want to leave either but I don’t feel strong enough to beat this shit.”
“But you are.”
He smirked and stood between her legs. He then lifted her up and laid her on the bed, settling between her legs. His lips touched hers as he kissed her softly. When she started to deepen it he pulled back slightly and rolled off of her. He blew out a breath as he brought his left arm up. He gave Bella a concerned look before taking her hand and running it up and down his arm.
“Every day since I awoke this arm has felt like it’s on fire. And this vein,” he forced her finger along it. “It feels like its pulsing. It’s so extreme to me that I keep thinking people can see it or hear it like I can but then I realize no one else does. Bella, I swear it feels like I’m going crazy.”
“You’re not.”
“Maybe, while I’m away they can help me deal with it. I hope so but if anything, I know that while I’m there I’m not gonna use,” he let his fingers trace along her cheek. “I don’t want to be your dad Bella. I don’t want to lie to you about how bad it is.”
“Edward.”
“No, listen, baby. I think I know what your dad felt like. He loved your mom and I believe he was happy and he saw that she was happy. I don’t think he had the heart to tell her he had relapsed or how bad it was for him. Eventually it became too hard to resist.”
He wiped the tears she was shedding.
“I won’t do that to you.”
“Helios, I…”
“I’m having a hard time, Bella,” he said cutting her off. “Every ounce of me is fighting this but I’m still thinking and dreaming about it. I’m afraid to be alone. I’m afraid it will see my weakness and take me.” He looked down and breathed out deeply. “The last time I quit I was locked up. I didn't have access so there was safety in that. I need that kind of isolation. Please tell me you understand.”
She nodded and pulled him down to her. She kissed him hard, letting the passion she always felt for him be released...
“I hate this.”
Edward sighed and stopped packing. “Bella, I don’t want to leave either but I don’t feel strong enough to beat this shit.”
“But you are.”
He smirked and stood between her legs. He then lifted her up and laid her on the bed, settling between her legs. His lips touched hers as he kissed her softly. When she started to deepen it he pulled back slightly and rolled off of her. He blew out a breath as he brought his left arm up. He gave Bella a concerned look before taking her hand and running it up and down his arm.
“Every day since I awoke this arm has felt like it’s on fire. And this vein,” he forced her finger along it. “It feels like its pulsing. It’s so extreme to me that I keep thinking people can see it or hear it like I can but then I realize no one else does. Bella, I swear it feels like I’m going crazy.”
“You’re not.”
“Maybe, while I’m away they can help me deal with it. I hope so but if anything, I know that while I’m there I’m not gonna use,” he let his fingers trace along her cheek. “I don’t want to be your dad Bella. I don’t want to lie to you about how bad it is.”
“Edward.”
“No, listen, baby. I think I know what your dad felt like. He loved your mom and I believe he was happy and he saw that she was happy. I don’t think he had the heart to tell her he had relapsed or how bad it was for him. Eventually it became too hard to resist.”
He wiped the tears she was shedding.
“I won’t do that to you.”
“Helios, I…”
“I’m having a hard time, Bella,” he said cutting her off. “Every ounce of me is fighting this but I’m still thinking and dreaming about it. I’m afraid to be alone. I’m afraid it will see my weakness and take me.” He looked down and breathed out deeply. “The last time I quit I was locked up. I didn't have access so there was safety in that. I need that kind of isolation. Please tell me you understand.”
She nodded and pulled him down to her. She kissed him hard, letting the passion she always felt for him be released...
Chapter 16 Teaser
Edward was overcome with sadness and despair. His world felt like it was crumbling around him. He had no way to describe what was going on within him. The battle raging for his soul. All he knew was that it felt as if he were in an alley and there was activity all around him. Left and right people were telling him to come with them. Saying that they knew the way. They told him that they could take his pain away and make his sorrow vanish into thin air. He was confused but then noticed something towards the end of the alley. Ahead of him was a figure. It was indiscernible but yet still familiar. In his heart he knew who it was. He couldn't see the figures face but he was certain that it was Bella. She was reaching her hand out to him, beckoning him but his feet wouldn't move.
“I love you so much, Helios. We've been through everything together and we will get through this as well. Don’t give up, baby, please. We can do anything as long as we are together,” Bella pleaded for him to come back to her.
He looked down and in his hand was his tried and true kit. How did that get here? He wondered as he turned it in his hand. It was the one he had used from the very beginning. The one he never shared. His only friend during the darkest of times. He kneeled down and opened his kit. The familiarity was comforting. He immediately took out the needle, starring at it with both longing and despair. He heard a sound and was distracted by it. He stood up and looked around trying to ascertain where the noise was coming from. That’s when he realized it was emanating from the figure ahead of him. He dropped the needle and kit and tried to focus on the figure he had determined was Bella. He suddenly found his feet moving towards her and what sounded like singing.
“I love you so much, Helios. We've been through everything together and we will get through this as well. Don’t give up, baby, please. We can do anything as long as we are together,” Bella pleaded for him to come back to her.
He looked down and in his hand was his tried and true kit. How did that get here? He wondered as he turned it in his hand. It was the one he had used from the very beginning. The one he never shared. His only friend during the darkest of times. He kneeled down and opened his kit. The familiarity was comforting. He immediately took out the needle, starring at it with both longing and despair. He heard a sound and was distracted by it. He stood up and looked around trying to ascertain where the noise was coming from. That’s when he realized it was emanating from the figure ahead of him. He dropped the needle and kit and tried to focus on the figure he had determined was Bella. He suddenly found his feet moving towards her and what sounded like singing.
Chapter 14 Teaser
“Bella, I love you.”
Bella’s eyes shot open. She immediately looked at Edward but he was still unmoving. She sighed having realized she had been dreaming. She heard snoring in the room and turned to see Seth, curled in a ball in the other chair that they had brought in for him. She grinned. He had sweet talked one of the nurses, convinced her that he needed to watch over Bella. That he was like her bodyguard. The nurse initially said no but Seth’s persistence paid off. That and his boyish good looks.
Bella turned back to Edward. He was still very pale and sickly. His blood pressure was not going down like the doctors had hoped but there wasn’t a lot they could do with his medication restrictions.
“Helios, baby, please come back to me. I need you so much.”
Bella held his hand and then panicked as the alarms by his bed began going off. Soon, the nurses and the overnight doctor were rushing in.
"Edward," Bella cried.
There was a loud thump and Bella turned to see that Seth had actually fallen out of his chair. He jumped up to assess what was happening and quickly pulled Bella back and out of the way so the doctors could tend to Edward.
"Edward," was all Bella could say.
Seth held her as they worked on his friend. Edward's heart rate peaked to a dangerously high level and he was going into cardiac arrest. Bella wrapped her arms around Seth, needing comfort and warmth and most importantly, reassurance...
Bella’s eyes shot open. She immediately looked at Edward but he was still unmoving. She sighed having realized she had been dreaming. She heard snoring in the room and turned to see Seth, curled in a ball in the other chair that they had brought in for him. She grinned. He had sweet talked one of the nurses, convinced her that he needed to watch over Bella. That he was like her bodyguard. The nurse initially said no but Seth’s persistence paid off. That and his boyish good looks.
Bella turned back to Edward. He was still very pale and sickly. His blood pressure was not going down like the doctors had hoped but there wasn’t a lot they could do with his medication restrictions.
“Helios, baby, please come back to me. I need you so much.”
Bella held his hand and then panicked as the alarms by his bed began going off. Soon, the nurses and the overnight doctor were rushing in.
"Edward," Bella cried.
There was a loud thump and Bella turned to see that Seth had actually fallen out of his chair. He jumped up to assess what was happening and quickly pulled Bella back and out of the way so the doctors could tend to Edward.
"Edward," was all Bella could say.
Seth held her as they worked on his friend. Edward's heart rate peaked to a dangerously high level and he was going into cardiac arrest. Bella wrapped her arms around Seth, needing comfort and warmth and most importantly, reassurance...
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